[man on TV] ...Hunt's version of that here tonight.
Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing? I'm watching that.
Why is Andrew out there
hollowing out that old stupid canoe again?
[Joe] Well, maybe he's planning to escape. What?
I am so tired.
Think I'm gonna go upstairs, take a shower,
wash off Ramone's coconut body oil.
Sure.
I had a great day today. Thank you.
What did you do?
I didn't do anything, I mean...
I just had a frank conversation with him about his future.
[Grace] Oh... Well, yeah. That's a good idea.
That's a good idea, Joe,
because he will never come back home now.
He is my son. I only get to see him every three years
because of you. Because of you.
- [barking] - [Grace] I've had enough.
- You are gonna be supportive... - Shh!
...of him marrying Margaret, and that is that.
- Shh! Shh! Shh! - [barking continues]
You know, if we're not careful,
we are gonna end up in this great big house...
...just you and me alone...
...you and me and everything that we're angry about,
and God forbid that they should have a grandchild
that we never get to see.
You are going to fix this, Joe. I mean it. Fix it now.
[clears throat]
[# Margaret singing Relax]
# Relax don't do it #
# When you want to get to it #
# Relax, don't... #
[groans] Where's a towel?
[music playing through headphones]
Towel...
Towel, towel, towel... towel, towel.
This is all they have for a towel?
It's ridiculous. I can't get dry.
[music on headphones continues]
Hello.
Hello?
Oh!
- [barking] - Oh! Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
No, no, no, no, no.
J-j-just... I'm sorry.
L-l-let me just, let me just get a towel.
Let me just get a towel.
[moans] Just... look.
You need to just... I'm sorry.
OK, I'm sorry for feeding you to the eagle.
- [barking] - I'm sorry.
[barking continues]
Go away. Go away.
Go, go. Just let me get a towel.
Go, go, go... Hold on.
[hair dryer blowing]
Yeah. Huh?
- [whimpering, barking] - How you like that? Huh?
Take it, take it. That's right.
That's what I'm talking about. You like that?
Oh. You like it.
[music continues]
- Come here. Come to Mama. - [barking]
That's right. Get on the carpet.
That's a good boy.
Yes! That's good, boy! Come on.
Come on!
- Oh, oh! - [barking]
[both gasp]
- Oh, oh! - What the...?
- Oh! - Oh, my God!
- Why are you naked? My God! - Oh, God. Why are you wet?
- Don't look at me. - I don't understand.
- Why are you wet? - Why are you naked?
Don't look at me.
Oh, God! You're showing everything.
Cover it up, for the love of God!
[gasping] Oh, God, not the Baby Maker.
Explain yourself please.
- Explain myself? - Yes, explain yourself.
- I was outside. - Oh, really?
- You didn't hear me? - I was listening to...
What are you even doing home?
Then you just, jump me out of nowhere? What's that?
I di... I didn't mean to jump you.
Your dog was attacking me, and I had to run, and I ran into you.
What is it with you and this dog?
Just, you know, just... go.
- Go... - Fine.
- Go take a shower. You stink. - Fine.
- Nice tattoo, by the way. - What?
[barking]
See? See? Exactly. You see that?
Oh... barely made it out with my life there.
See the size of the teeth on that thing?
I didn't...
[groans]
[Margaret clears throat]
So... [exhales] So naked.
[clears throat]
Can we, uh, not talk about that, please?
Just sayin'.
So, uh, what's the deal with you and your father?
Ooh, I'm sorry. That question is not in the binder. [clicks]
Oh, really? Well, I thought you were the one that said
we needed to learn all this...
Not about that, I didn't.
- But if the guy asks us... - Not about that, Margaret.
Good night.
[sighs, clears throat]
- [Margaret] I like the Psychic Network. - What?
Not in the "ha-ha, isn't that funny, she likes that trash"
kind of way. I actually quite enjoy it.
Umm...
I took disco lessons in the sixth grade.
My first concert was Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock.
I think Brian Dennehy is sexy.
Don't like flowers in the house,
'cause they remind me of funerals.
Never played a video game.
I read Wuthering Heights every Christmas.
It's my favorite book.
Haven't slept with a man in over a year and a half.
And, uh... I went to the bathroom and cried
after Bob called me a poisonous bitch.
And the, uh, bird tattoo?
They're swallows.
Got them when I was 16... after my parents died.
Stupid. [clears throat]
I'm sure there's many many other things,
but that's all I can come up with right now.
You, uh, there? [chuckles]
I'm here.
Just processing.
You really haven't slept with anyone in 18 months?
Oh, my God. Out of all that, that's all you got?
That's a long time.
Yeah, well, I've been a little busy.
Yeah...
Who's, uh...
- Rob Base and D.J... - E-Z Rock?
- Yeah. - You know.
[# sings It Takes Two]
# It takes two to make a thing go right #
# It takes two to make it out of sight #
# Drr nrr nrr #
- No. They were good. - Mm-mm.
[chuckles]
- What? - Nothing.
I know who they are. I just wanted to hear you sing it.
[Andrew laughing]
[sighs]
- Margaret? - Yes?
Don't take this the wrong way.
[clears throat] 'K.
You are a very... very beautiful woman.
[Andrew whispering] # I wanna rock right now #
# I'm Rob Base and I came to get down #
[both whispering] # I'm not internationally known #
# But I'm known to rock the microphone #
# 'Cause I get stupid... #
[loudly] # It takes two #
# To make a thing go right #
[laughing]
# It takes two to make it outta sight #
# Duh nuh nuh #
# It takes two to make a thing go right #
- Feel it deep, feel it low. - Mmm-hmm.
# It takes two to make it... #
God, I can't sing that high.
[both laughing]
[birds chirping]
Huh? Where am I?
What time is it?
- What time is it? - [blinds sliding]
Ooh! Ooh. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh...
Oh, God.
[knocking]
[Grace] Room service. Breakfast for the happy couple.
- [whispers] Andrew! Andrew! - [groaning]
- Andr... - [grunts]
Your mother's at the door. Get up!
- Get up here! Your mother's... - Oh, God.
[Margaret shouts] Just a second!
- Not the baby blanket. - OK, all right.
Not the baby blanket. Get it off, get it off, get it off.
- OK, all right. - Wait a second. Hold on.
- What? What? - Are you wearing makeup?
What? No. Of course not.
- OK, what do we do? All right. - Just spoon me, spoon me...
- Oh, my God! What is that? - I'm sorry. It's morning.
What do you mean, "It's morning"?
[Grace] Are you OK?
Yep! Coming. One second. Yep. Come on in. Everything's fine.
[whispers] Disgusting.
Ow, you're on my hair. OK, just...
[both panting]
- [Margaret] Oh, wow. - [Andrew] Ooh, smells good.
Cinnamon rolls.
Oh, you shouldn't have gone to that trouble.
Oh, you're family now. It's no trouble.
Hey, you have room for one more?
Wow. Could we not do the Brady family meeting right now?
We just got up...
- Yeah. - ...if you don't mind.
Your mother and I have come up with a proposition
and I happen to think it's a terrific idea...
- We want you to get married here tomorrow. - Tomorrow.
- What? What? What? - Mmm-mmm. No.
Well, you're gonna get married anyway,
so why don't you get married here...
...where we can be all together,
and that way Grandma Annie can be a part of it.
- Oh. Oh, we're... - No.
- No. No, it's Gammy's big birthday tomorrow night. - Big day for her.
We don't want to ruin it. That's you know...
I've had 89 birthday parties, I don't need another one.
Oh, Gammy.
It would be a dream come true for me
to see my one grandchild's wedding.
- A dream come true! - [Andrew] Mmmm.
- So you'll do it? - [Andrew] Mmm-mmm.
Before I'm dead?
- OK. OK. - OK.
OK, we will do everything.
And you can get married like we did, in the barn.
It's a Paxton family tradition.
- Oh, wow! - Yup.
Wow! Uh! I've always wanted to get married in a... in a barn.
- I have. - It's a sign.
A sign from the universe that you're meant to be together.
Oh, we must give thanks, I tell you.
Come, come. We must give thanks.
OK, I know I should leave you alone now.
But we're just so excited! I know you're excited, too.
- It's the craziest. - Really excited.
- [Andrew] Yeah! Go. Go. - [Margaret laughing]
Go.
Oh, my God.
When my mom finds out that this whole thing is a sham
she's gonna... she's gonna be crushed,
and my grandmother's gonna die.
- Your mom's not going to find out. - I... my father.
What the hell's with that? The whole wedding thing?
Where did that come from?
She probably got him worked up into it.
It's fine. She's not gonna find out.
- They're not going to find out. - Oh, God. Margaret!
Andrew, they're not gonna find out, OK? Just relax.
It's gonna be OK.
It's not like we're gonna be married forever.
We'll be happily divorced before you know it.
It will be fine. It will be fine.
You OK?
Yeah.
- Get us some coffee. - Yeah.
So, would you like a cinnamon soy latte?
- A-ha. - [Margaret chuckles]
[Andrew] You're right, you know...
Get a quickie divorce, we'll be fine.
- Absolutely. - It's gonna be fine.
Everything is going to be great.
But this little missus better learn how to cook...
...so she can take care of her husband.
Keep my man happy.
I don't want him leaving me for another woman.
- [both laugh] - Come on...
...haven't left you yet, Margaret.
I got it. Let go.
- You all right? - Yeah, um...
You know what? I'm gonna go.
Where?
I just kinda feel like going outside.
All right. That's the bathroom.
Oh, yeah. I know. I'm just, uh...
I'm gonna go to go to the bathroom,
and then I'm gonna go out, outside.
All right.
[exhales] All right.
OK, you just have to focus, Margaret. Just focus.
This is a business deal. This is just a business deal.
[clears throat] Everything's gonna be just fine.
OK, this is a little rough. I can do this.
Oh, my God. God, I hate nature!
I hate it.
Not stopping. Not stopping. Oh! Oh...
Why are you not stopping?
[growls] Stop, stop, stop it, stop!
[panting]
I just wanted... some air.
[drum beating]
- What is that? - [flute begins to play]
What now? What is that? What is that?
- [drum and flute continue] - What is that?
[woman chanting in foreign language]
- [chanting continues] - [Margaret] What is that?
[chanting continues]
[woman] Come to me, Margaret of New York.
It is I, Grandma Annie.
Oh!
[Gammy] I see you are a curious one.
Come. See how I give thanks to Mother Earth.
You know, actually, I'm not that curious.
- I'll just... - [Gammy] Look around you.
Mother Earth has provided all this...
...just as she brought you and Andrew together to be joined.
- Oh. - We must give thanks
and ask that your loins be abundantly fertile.
Come. Dance with me in celebration.
You know, can I, can I just thank her from here?
I insist!
OK, OK, OK.
I will come down and dance with you.
Follow and learn.
[chants in foreign language]
Come on, Margaret! Feel the rhythm of the drums. Now you.
- Me what? - Chant.
Chant what?
[stammers] Whatever comes to you. It is the way.
- But I don't know any chants. - To the trees. Use your vowels.
- Eee. Ooo. Ooo. Eee. - Ooo. Eee.
- Yes. Chant. - Yes. Chant, chant.
- Eee. To the trees. - Yes! Yes!
- [shouts] To the universe! - The universe. Ah. Universe.
To the crazy. To the window, the window.
To the wall, to the wall.
To the sweat drip down my balls.
- To all you bitches... - Louder!
To the window, to the window.
To the walls, to the walls.
To the sweat drip down my balls.
Now all you bitches crawl.
[# raps Get Low]
# All skeet skeet, mother #
# All skeet skeet, goddamn #
# To the window to the window #
# To the wall to the wall #
# To the sweat drip down my balls #
# To all you bitches crawl #
# All skeet skeet, mother #
# All skeet skeet goddamn #
# To the window to the window #
# To the wall to the wall #
# To the sweat drip down my uuuh #
# All you bitches go #
[hooting]
Gammy! Let's take it to the bridge! Woo!
# Let me see you get low You scared, you scared #
# Drop your ass to the flo' You scared, you scared #
# Let me see you get low You scared, you scared #
- # Drop your ass to the floor # - You scared!
# You scared, you scared See you get low #
- # You scared, you scared # - You scared.
# Your butt to the flo' You scared, you scared #
# Now stop, woo Now wiggle it #
# Now stop, woo Jiggle it, just jiggle it #
- Whatcha doing? - # Just wiggle it #
Oh, uh.
Uh... You know, your Gammy wanted me to...
...you know, chant. Chant from the heart.
Balls? That's what came to your heart?
You know, it went with the beat.
Your phone arrived.
I'm gonna go into town to pick it up. Wanna come?
Oh, yes, I want to go. I want to go. Oh, hold on.
Is it, uh, OK if I go with him?
Whatever you do is what shall be.
But you're OK if I go?
- Fine. Go on. - Bye, Gammy.
- You're a freak! - Shut up.
- [Andrew laughing] - Would you, please?
Ow!
[bell jingles]
Hey, buddy.
Andrew, hey!
- You got that phone I ordered? - Yes, it came in. How are you?
- Great. You? - [Ramone] Good.
Hola.
Hey, hi.
Remember this?
- # Relax, don't do it # - Yes, yes.
- Wonderful. Wonderful. Yes. - # When you want to go to it #
- Remember that? - Yes. Yes. I know.
# Don't you want to come? #
Think you made quite an impression on Ramone.
Mmm-hmm, I think the part where I burst into tears
just really brought us together.
- Yeah. Oh, guess what. - What?
Fun fact about Andrew number 11:
- I like Pringles. - Mm-hmm. OK.
They're delicious. All Hostess products.
Coke, never Pepsi, and beef jerky.
What, are you, like, 13?
- Mmmm. - Here we go.
It's all charged up, Andrew.
Thanks, buddy.
And I put your lady's number in, too.
- Thank you very mu... - Milady.
- [squeaks] - [chuckles]
Thank you, thank you very much. Thank you.
Just... thank you.
[bell jingling]
Oh, my God. I have 37 messages.
Shit. I need a computer.
[Margaret] Is there, is there a computer
in this godforsaken town?
[bell jingling]
OK. So when it runs out, it gives you a warning.
Just put in more dimes.
- Here you go. - What?
- [Margaret] You're kidding. Dimes? - [Gert] Come on, Kels.
- [Margaret] You're not kidding? - [Andrew] I'll be outside.
- Yell if you need me. - But what am I supposed...
[Andrew] You'll be fine.
[# Niall Toner Band: Lonely Souls and Broken Hearts]
OK, I can figure this out. I'm an intelligent woman.
Block 'em out, block 'em out, block 'em out. There you go.
OK. [clears throat]
- Now. - [modem beeping, dialing]
What is that? What is it?
[tone sounding]
[Margaret] Um, uh, excuse me? Excuse...
[sighs]
OK.
OK. [clears throat]
[exhales deeply]
[Margaret] So, it was nice to see Gertrude, huh?
Yeah.
She looked really pretty today.
- Yeah, she did. - Mmm-hmm.
Must be nice to see each other again and just catch up.
It's definitely good to see her. It's...
...definitely, yeah. It's been a long time.
Oh, there they are. There they are. Margaret!
- [Gammy] Woo! - [both laughing]
[Grace] We need Margaret.
Afraid we're going to have to
steal you away, young lady.
Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm just gonna keep...
No, not to worry.
No strippers, no chanting in the woods. Promise.
- Oh, well... - Yeah. Come on.
But not you. It's girl stuff. You'd hate it.
- But... - Come on.
Um, OK. Will I, uh...
...are these shoes OK for what we're gonna do?
I can't believe this is happening.
My mother made this dress by hand.
In this very shop. In 1929.
It's funny how things come back in style.
[Margaret] Just... just finishing up the buttons.
Yeah, and don't worry about the fit
because Annie is the best tailor in southeast Alaska.
Oh... Pssh.
Wow, incredible.
Maybe a tad loose in certain areas, but otherwise...
Oh, sorry. I'm a bit chesty to begin with
and I happened to be knocked up when I wore this.
- Oh. - [chuckling]
Oh, let's see if we can find your boobs.
- They're in there somewhere. - Yes. Yes, they are.
This is like an Easter egg hunt.
Maybe they shrunk up in the cold Alaskan air.
[all laughing]
- Oh! There they are. - That... yes. That would be...
- [Gammy] There, let's see. - I was thinking, if you'd like,
maybe we could head down your way for the holidays this year.
Oh, that would, uh... that would be nice.
That'd be nice. Or maybe we could come to you, too.
- Well, that would be lovely. - Mmm-hmm.
I would like that very much.
Oh, Grace, for God's sake. We've got work to do.
- I know. I'm sorry. - Go make yourself a cup of tea.
I'll finish this. Go.
Now, let's make this absolute perfection.
[Gammy chuckling]
Now, just one special touch and you're ready.
It's been in the family for more than 150 years.
Annie, it's beautiful, but I don't really think...
- Shh. I'm not finished. - Oh, sorry.
My great-grandfather gave it to my great-grandmother
when they got married.
They were quite a scandal, you know.
He was Russian and she was Tlingit, and back then
you had to get approval from every member of the tribe
before you got married.
Almost broke them up.
Well... how did they stay together then?
She was a lot like you. Tough.
Wouldn't take "no" for an answer.
She was good for him.
I want you to have it.
- I can't. Can't take this. - I don't want to hear it.
Grandmothers love to give their stuff to their grandchildren.
It makes us feel like we'll still be part of your lives
even after we're gone.
Take it.
[clears throat]
Are... are you all right, dear?
[exhales deeply] I, uh...
Uh... Well, I, um...
I, uh... I just, uh, I just wanted to...
make sure there was enough time to get all the sewing done.
[chuckles] Don't you worry about that.
- You're gonna be beautiful. - OK.
- Now let's get you out of those pins. - OK.
[footsteps approaching]
All right.
This is untied. Hop on in.
[grunting]
Hey, hey, hey. Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Whoa! What...
Mind telling me what the hell's wrong?
I just needed to get away from everybody.
- What's wrong? - Nothing! Just stop talking, please!
Would you mind telling me what's happening now?
Margaret.
- Margaret! - I forgot, OK?
[Andrew] You forgot what?
I forgot what it was like to have a family!
I've been on my own since I was 16
and I forgot what it felt like to have people love you
and make you breakfast and say, "Hey!
We'd love to come down for the holidays."
And I say, "Well, why don't we come up and see you instead?"
And give you necklaces! And you have all that here,
and you have Gertrude, and I'm... I'm just screwing it up!
You're not screwing it up! I agreed to this!
You were there, remember?
Your family loves you. Do you know that?
- I know that! Yes! - You know that?
And you're still willing to put them through this?
They're not gonna find out!
How do you know they won't find out?
Because you said so yourself.
- I know, but what if your mother... - You said so yourself!
Oh, my God, if your mother found out...
Whoa! Whoa!
- Oh, my God! What if Gammy finds out? - The boat is moving!
If Gammy finds out, she's gonna have a heart attack!
Stop! It's gonna be fine!
- She's gonna have a heart attack! - Will you calm down! Hold on!
[Andrew] Whoa, whoa. Whoa!
Whoa! I don't think that hijacking a boat
is a proper way to express your frustration!
Now... Oh, great.
Now you decide to shut up! Margaret?
- [Margaret] Andrew! - Margaret?
- [gasping] Andrew! - Margaret!
I can't swim!
Margaret!
[Andrew] To the buoy!
- What? - To the buoy!
OK.
[gasping]
All right, come on! Give me your hand!
- Hey! Give me your hand! - [gasping]
Margaret! Give me...
Come on, give me your hand!
Come on, come on. I got you. I got you.
I got you. [grunting]
- [Margaret gasping, shuddering] - Come on.
[grunts] What the hell were you thinking?
Could've gotten yourself killed.
You turned the boat and made me fall in, you jackass.
You let go of the steering wheel, Ahab.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
All right, come here. You've got to get warm. Come on.
Come on. It's OK. [panting]
That's OK.
It's OK.
I want to talk to both of you.
Your mother is never to hear about any of this.
Told you I'd check up on you.
What did you do?
I got a phone call from Mr. Gilbertson here,
who told me that if you were lying,
and he strongly believes that you are,
he would send you to prison.
So I flew him up here.
- Dad. - Luckily for you,
your father negotiated a deal on your behalf.
[Gilbertson] Now, this offer's gonna last for 20 seconds,
so listen closely.
You're gonna make a statement
admitting this marriage is a sham...
...or you're gonna go to prison.
You tell the truth, you're off the hook,
and she is going to go back to Canada.
Ah, well. Take the deal.
- I don't think so. - Don't be stupid, Andrew.
You want a statement? Here's your statement.
I've been working for Margaret Tate for three years.
Six months ago we started dating, we fell in love.
I asked her to marry me, she said "yes."
I'll see you at the wedding.
Well, you know.
So...
...you sure about this?
Not really.
I mean, I am very appreciative of what you've done,
but I think that...
You'd do the same for me.
Right?
- [knocking] - Hope everyone is decent.
You need to come with me.
[Gammy] Now, tomorrow is your wedding day.
You have to give the Baby Maker a rest tonight.
It's tradition.
- Give your bride a kiss good night. - We're not gonna...
...use the Baby Maker.
[Gammy] You've got your whole lives to be together.
- [Andrew] OK. - Now, come on. Come on.
[sighs]
If I don't go with her, she's just gonna...
- Come right back. - Yeah.
See you in the morning?
Yeah.
[indistinct chatter from TV]
[crowd chattering]
Hey, Gammy.
- Thanks, Gammy. - Oh.
[# Pachelbel: Canon in D plays]
[music ends]
[Ramone] Everyone, please be seated.
Ramone.
[speaks Spanish]
We are gathered here today to give thanks...
...and to celebrate...
...one of life's greatest moments.
[Ramone] To give recognition
to the beauty, honesty, and unselfish ways
of Andrew and Margaret's true love
in front of family and friends.
For it is their family and friends
who taught Andrew and Margaret to love.
So it is only right that family and friends are all...
Mi amor. Do you have a question?
Uh, no...
Your hand is up.
Oh, it, it's, uh, not a question,
but I do have something I need to say.
- Margaret. - Can it wait till after?
Uh... No. No.
[sighs]
- [clears throat] Hi there. - [all murmur] Hi.
Thank you all so much for coming out.
[Margaret] I, uh... have a bit of an announcement
to make about the wedding.
- A confession, actually. - What are you doing?
Uh... I'm a Canadian. Yes, Canadian.
With an expired visa who was about to be deported.
And because I didn't want to leave
this wonderful country of yours,
I forced Andrew here to marry me.
Margaret, stop it.
See, Andrew has always had this extraordinary work ethic.
Something I think he learned from you.
And for three years I watched him work harder
than anyone else at our company.
And I knew that if I threatened to destroy his career...
...he would, he would do just about anything.
So I blackmailed him to come up here and to lie to you.
[Margaret] All of you.
And I thought it would be easy to watch him do it.
[clears throat]
But it wasn't.
Turns out it's not easy to ruin someone's life
once you find out how wonderful they are.
[crowd murmurs]
You have a beautiful family.
[Margaret] Don't let this come between you.
This was my fault.
Margaret...
Andrew, this was a business deal,
and you held up your end, but now the deal is off.
I'm sorry.
And, you, meet me at the dock.
You're giving me a ride to the airport.
[crowd chattering]
[chuckles]
- What were you thinking? - I don't, I don't know.
Andrew, you lied to us.
Let me get my head on straight, OK?
I'll explain everything later.
I'm sorry.
[Margaret] You were right. This book is special.
I lied because I knew publishing meant
I'd lose you as an assistant
but... you have an extraordinary eye,
and I'll make sure we buy this before I leave.
Have an amazing life. You deserve it. Margaret.
Well, that was, uh... crazy.
[snorts]
You know, people are gonna be talking about this forever.
Yeah. Yeah.
Are you OK?
Yeah. No. Uh...
I just feel... You know what the problem is?
The problem is that this woman...
...is a gigantic pain in my ass.
First there's the whole leaving thing. I understand that.
It's a sham wedding. It's kind of stressful.
But then she goes ahead and she leaves this note.
Because she doesn't have the decency...
the humanity to do it to my face.
Three years. Three years I work with this... this terrorist.
Never once has she had a nice thing to say,
and then she goes ahead and she writes this crap!
- Andrew. - But none of that matters
because we had a deal!
- Andrew. - Sorry. I'm sorry. I just...
She just makes me a little crazy.
[Gert chuckles] Yeah. I can see that.
So you're just gonna let her go?
So, what now?
[Gilbertson] Well... now that you're leaving voluntarily,
it all becomes very civilized.
Once we land in New York, you have 24 hours
to head back to Canada.
- Andrew, what's happening? - I got to talk to her.
- Why would you do that? - Boys!
This has nothing to do with you.
Boys, stop it! Stop it!
[Joe] I'm not gonna let you do this.
[Andrew] I'm not asking your permission here.
- [gasps] - Annie! Joe! Joe!
Annie! Joe!
I think I'm having a heart attack.
- Easy. Easy. - Somebody get a doctor!
- Easy, easy. - [man] Get a doctor!
I got it.
Andrew.
You two need to stop fighting.
[Gammy] You'll never see eye to eye.
But you're family.
Promise me you'll stand by Andrew.
Even if... if you don't agree with him.
I promise.
Andrew.
Promise me you'll work harder to be a part of this family.
I will.
[Andrew] I will, Gammy.
Well, then, the spirits can take me.
Oh, Annie.
Gammy?
I guess they're not ready for me.
I'm feeling much better, sonny.
[Gammy] No need to take us to the hospital.
Take us to the airport, please.
Mom, what? Are you faking the heart attack?
- Oh, come on! - [laughing]
Well, it was the only way I could get you two
to shut up and get us to the airport!
[man] Ma'am, we're not authorized to take you to the airport.
Larry Ferris, don't make me call your mother.
[Larry] You got it.
[sighs] You scared the hell out of me.
Yep. You should've given up back in New York.
See, I'm like Eliot Ness.
I always get my man.
I'm that good.
Flight 1601, as soon as you're in position,
you're cleared for takeoff.
[man on radio] Roger that, Chuck.
OK. Come on, come on, come on, come on.
- [phone ringing] - [chuckles]
Tower. Talk to me.
- Chuck! It's Drew Paxton. - Hey, dude.
Hey, uh... I have a little favor I need from you, buddy...
Margaret's on that plane. I got to talk to her. Can you stop it?
[Chuck] Oh, yeah!
I heard about your lady bailin'.
- Drag-ola. [laughs] - [Andrew] Chuck! I need you
to stop the plane. Please.
I can't do that. [laughing]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Come on!
Oh, no.
No!
- What's wrong? - Margaret's on that plane.
- And he didn't get to tell her. - Tell her what?
That he loves her.
So she could tell him that she loves him, too.
OK, but how does he...
If she didn't love him, she wouldn't have left.
Of course not.
Am I the only one not getting this?
- Oh, Joe! - Chuck! Chuck! Look down.
Oh! Oh. Look down.
[Chuck] Like... Oh, there you are!
Sorry, man. There was nothing I could do.
Thanks, Chuck.
I'm sorry, son. I didn't know how you felt about her.
[Grace] Honey, it's gonna be OK.
[phone ringing]
Jordan?
[clears throat]
Jordan.
Jordan!
I need for you to send the boxes in my office to...
...to this address, please.
This one right here. This address right here. OK?
- Can you do that? - Uh, yes. Sure.
- Good, all right. Thank you. - Miss Tate.
Yes. What? What?
[panting] Hey.
Andrew.
Why are, why are you panting?
Because I've been running.
- Really. From Alaska? - I need to talk to you.
Yeah? Well, I don't have time to talk.
I need to catch a 5:45 to Toronto.
- Margaret. - I need the boxes to go out today.
I want to make sure everything is...
Margaret! Stop talking!
[all gasp]
[Andrew] Gotta say something.
- [whispering] OK. - This will just take a sec.
Fine. What?
Three days ago, I loathed you.
I used to dream about you getting hit by a cab.
Or poisoned.
- Oh, that's nice. - I told you to stop talking.
Then we had our little adventure up in Alaska
and things started to change.
Things changed when we kissed.
And when you told me about your tattoo.
Even when you checked me out when we were naked.
- [all murmuring] - [woman] Uh-huuuh.
Naked?
Well, I didn't see anything...
[Andrew] Yeah, you did.
But I didn't realize any of this until I was standing alone.
In a barn... wife-less.
Now, you can imagine my disappointment
when it suddenly dawned on me
that the woman I love is about to be kicked out of the country.
So, Margaret.
Marry me.
Because I'd like to date you.
Trust me. You don't really want to be with me.
Yes, I do.
See, the thing is, there is a reason why
I've been alone all this time.
I'm comfortable that way.
And I think it would just be a lot easier
if we forgot everything that happened and I just left.
You're right.
That would be easier.
- I'm scared. - Me, too.
[crowd murmurs]
Aren't you supposed to get down on your knee or something?
I'm gonna take that as a "yes."
Oh, OK.
[crowd chattering]
[man] Yeah! Show her who's boss, Andrew!
[laughter]
[clapping]
[Gilbertson] So, let me see if I've got this right.
You two are engaged again.
- [Andrew] Yes. - [Margaret] Yes.
For real?
- Yes. - Yeah.
You're sure you want to go through with this?
Because one wrong answer...
I'm gonna take you down.
- OK. - OK.
Let's do it.
[# Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock: It Takes Two]
# Hit it #
# Whoo! Yeah! Whoo! Yeah #
# Whoo! Yeah! Whoo! #
[Gilbertson] When did you first start to date?
Last week.
- [Gilbertson] That going well? - So far it's great. Thank you.
[Gilbertson] What kind of deodorant does Andrew use?
Men's Speed Stick?
[Gilbertson] What flavor? Musk? Alpine?
Was it love at first sight?
[inhales] No.
I loved her from the beginning.
[Gilbertson] What side of the bed does Margaret sleep on?
She sleeps on the left.
What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Look, are they soul mates? Eeeh.
Uh... Will they kill each other? No.
[Gilbertson] Are you a good driver?
Oh, excellent driver. Excellent.
[makes crashing, screaming, siren sounds]
Oh.
In my mind I see her with someone perhaps...
...more swarthy, darker.
We don't use the word "Margaret" around Kevin.
He still hasn't warmed up to her.
- Margaret. - [barks]
See? It's the damnedest thing.
I have never farted in front of him.
Nor will I ever fart in front of him.
She farts in her sleep.
[Gilbertson] Would you consider Margaret a good dancer?
You can tell by the way she drinks her soda pop
that she's a good dancer.
[Gilbertson] Uh-huh. How, how...
How is the soda pop relevant to the dancing?
I don't understand this.
- I call him... puppy. - Pumpkin.
- Monkey. - Daisy.
- Kiddo. - Uh... Bird.
Sometimes I call him Rick.
[Gilbertson] How do you spell "Ramone?"
[thickly accented] R-A-M-O-N-E.
[Gilbertson] Could you do that again in English, please?
When you say, you know, the position in the relationship...
[Gilbertson] Top or bottom?
You're asking me a question about who's on top?
[Gilbertson] You took an oath when you walked in this office.
I did not take an oath. When did I take an oath?
[Gilbertson] Laura should've done that, but she didn't.
- That's OK. - Who's Laura?
She's the girl behind you. Don't look around.
[Gilbertson] Which of the following numbers
- is not a prime? - Seventeen.
I'm sorry. Let me say the list, please.
I'm sorry?
[Gilbertson] He knew your favorite color.
- Blue? - [Gilbertson] Wrong!
- Red? - No!
Dark... Maybe like a hunter green?
[Gilbertson] No. White.
- White? - OK, moving on.
Favorite color is blue.
What's her favorite color when she's not at home?
I don't know.
[Gilbertson] Are you a citizen of this country, Ramone?
Yes, I'm a citizen! [guffawing] Are you crazy?
[laughs]
What relevance a ball in a net
or a Fruit Roll-Up or a Pop-Tart
has to do with my relationship with Andrew?
[Gilbertson] If you're getting excited...
- Who are you engaged to? - [sighs]
- Andrew. - Very good. Got one right.
[Gilbertson] Who are you engaged to?
I'm engaged to Margaret Tate.
And on the wedding day, who will be next to you?
I'm going to marry Margaret Tate.
- [Gilbertson] Final answer? - That work? Yeah, final answer.
Is this a game show? I don't understand what...
# God bless America #
# Lands that I love #
That's a great song.
[Gilbertson] That was beautiful. That was really beautiful.
Mama Cass.
# Whoo! Yeah! #
# It takes two to make a thing go right #
# It takes two to make it out of sight #
# It takes two to make a thing go right #
# It takes two to make it out of sight #
# Right now, E-Z Rock now #
# When I count to three I want you to get busy #
# You ready now? #
# One two three get loose now #
# It takes two to make a #
# It takes two to make a It takes two to make a #
# It takes two to make a #
# It, it, it, it takes two to make a #
# It, it, it takes two to make a #
# It, it, it #
# It takes two to make a thing go right #
# It takes two to make it out of sight #
# It takes two to make a thing go right #
# It takes two to make it out of sight #
- # Hit it # - # It takes two to make a #
# It, it, it it takes two to make a #
# It, it it takes two to make a #
# It, it, it it takes two to make a #
Subtitles by LeapinLar